Annoying Things Men Do In Bed

This is my list of the top 10 most irritating things a man can do in bed.

Men - Read the list, study the list and memerize the list.

1. Whine about wearing a condom. Just put it on and shut the fuck up.
2. Ask me if i'm close. This throws me off. I will tell you when I'm close....trust me.
3. Humping me in my sleep is a huge no-no. If I'm already asleep or damn near asleep and you are waking me up like that you will get a swift cock punching followed by your pillow being thrown into the hallway. I take my sleep VERY seriously.
4. If you are going to do any talking, it better be about how much I turn you on, or how great it feels to be inside me. I do not, I repeat DO NOT want to hear about your day, I just want you to fuck me.
5. Do not try the "Ooops, I didn't mean to put it there" aka 'The Wrong hole' trick. You're not as crafty as you think. The next time you try it you'll get donkey kicked to the wall.
6. Please do not cum 5 seconds before I am about to. I know your goal is to make yourself cum and my goal is to make myself cum. But it sure would be nice if you waited for me so that I wouldn't have to run to the washroom and get myself off.
7. Waking me up early in the morning. Just don't do it. When I'm awake I'll start rubbing your dick.
8. Do not try to put a bunch of fingers inside me to see how many will fit. If I want to be fisted, I'll ask. (Note - don't hold your breath, fisting does not turn me on)
9. I do like a facial once in a while, but please do not get your man-juice in my hair or in my eyes.
10. Do not get upset if I am not marinating in my own juices after engaging in little or no foreplay. I am working on it SpeedRacer.