It's All About Me - Deal With It

· Vodka gets me drunker than anything

· I’d risk my life to save a dog in need

· I worry too much about my weight even when I don’t need to

· I’d really love to quit eating, but I really, really love to eat

· I lost my soul mate Aug 14th, 2003 – RIP Steve

· I have been known to fall in love with inanimate objects such as purses and shoes

· I love thunderstsorms

· I think hockey pants are sexy

· I would rescue/adopt a million dogs if I had the room

· My dream is to run in and complete the Boston Marathon in under 5 hours

If I Won 25 Million Dollars...

...I'd be rich

I am extremely impractical and suck ass with money (which is why I never have any) so the first thing I would do, would be to hire a financial advisor. I’d invest a good 10+ million and that would be the last sane thing I’d do. And I would only do that because I’d need something to live off of once my spending spree was over.

Next, I would build a castle…with a fully equipped moat and alligators. Think the Jehovah’s Witnesses would stop bothering me with those fuckers out there swimming in my moat?

While my castle was being built I’d get some boob implants, liposuction and botox from some well to do Plastic Surgeon in Beverly Hills. Of course any of my friends that wanted work done could come with me. My treat – I’m generous that way.

After building my castle I would rescue all the abused and abandoned rottweillers in North America. I would have a rottie army. Troops of rotties would run about with their horse like prance and I would love every single one of them. Bentley would still be my favorite though.

I’d also need to hire a bunch of staff and servants. I wouldn't beat them or anything like that, but my chef might run off due to my overwhelming demand for pizza.

I’d take a much needed vacation (for at least a year), buy at least 5 different cars, a private jet, summer house, winter house, house away from my castle, a yacht, and I’d of course give all my friends and family money. I’d also give my favorite charities and organizations money. But not a penny to politicians. I hate politicians.

Is there a polite way to spit?

There are those among us who do not care for the wierd, funky, salty taste of spooge. And sometimes, (yes even I will admit it) it is downright bleachy foul.

In the latter case, or for those jizz phobic ladies (or men) what the hell do you do with it? Is there a polite way to get rid of it?

Going hhhork....PTOOEY! is definitely out of the question, although would be kinda humorous.

And what about Ptooeying into a tissue... is that any better?

Maybe you should just let it run out of your mouth like they do in all those porns?

I wonder.... what would Miss Manners do?
Note to self: Email Miss Manners this question in the morning

Anyone have any suggestions? Really, what is a girl to do?

Will The Real Myster Caller Please Stand Up?

Over the last couple of week you have called me several (9) times, always blocking your number. Your calls are always between 2am and 4:30am usually on Saturdays and mostly on my cel phone. Although, you have made the occasional call on my home line. You never leave a message.

Most people I know have the cajones to NOT block their numbers regardless what time they call, so I am really having difficulties figuring out who you are.

Mystery Stalker Caller: if you are reading this STOP CALLING ME..... or at least leave me a message next time so I know who you are.

Now, will the Real Myster Caller Please Stand Up?!?